protip if a nerd dude tries to give you a pop quiz about the fandom on your shirt/bag/cosplay by asking you to answer a banal and obscure trivia question to prove you’re a Real Gamer, turn the question back on him. ask him about the thematic implications that bit of trivia has on the actual story. ask him about the character development and motivations of the minor characters he’s making you list. ask him if he thinks the major in-universe event he’s testing you on was successful in carrying forward the underlying tone and intent of the work itself. ask him about fucking literary devices. you know that one super tough and intimidating lit teacher everyone encounters at least once in their lifetime? become that teacher. make him sweat.
Wait, so in Gryffindor Tower, if a boy tries to go up the girl’s staircase, it turns into a slide, right? What if one day a kid sets foot on it, but it remains stairs, all the way to the top, and at the top the kid whispers “I knew I was a real girl”
*slamming fist on the table* MORE TRANS POSITIVE HEADCANONS (TRANS POSITIVE CANON WOULD BE FUCKING GREAT TOO WHILE WE’RE AT IT)
past me: canon is sacred I must carefully fact-check everything to make sure it is canon-compliant
present me: canon is a box of scraps in a cave I’m gonna tear that shit apart throw away 90% of it and out of the good bits build something absolutely beautiful and amazing
Mary: So, what’s this, Paul?
Paul: When I was an assassin for the Bratva, I had an assignment that had me tracking a disgraced general through the wilds of Siberia. As I found him, we shared a drink of medovukha, he related to me how he had catered for the grand parties of the rich and famous, and showed me how to make this delicate, complicated dessert before I snapped his neck and left him there in the snow.
Mary: …
Paul: In the spirit of that, I’ve left the bakers a blank piece of paper as an instruction, and they only have half the ingredients they need. I intend to judge them as harshly as possible and pull them up on even the slightest mistake. They need to be perfect.
Mary: …
Paul: Also, this dish involves ice-cream, and I have given it to them on the hottest day of the year. One hour in, I will release seven starving lions into the tent. They have been conditioned to react violently to improper proofing.
Mary: Well, they look lovely, let’s dig in.
the moon is beautiful 