asom-broso:

writing-prompt-s:

Your phone rings. The number looks familiar. You pick up to hear your own voice asking you for help.

“i need your help”

“bitch me too the fuck”

then hang up

bisexualengineerscott:

nothing makes me laugh like christmas lights set to strobe, like “sure, we could have a nice cozy winter but that’s too boring, let’s hold a motherfucking jesus rave”

egberts:

i don’t understand the concept of time

folieadetox:

christmas list:

• no more anxiety 
• $$$$$$
• clear skin

clippy:

today when my coworker went to lunch i said “munch munch it’s time for lunch” and the assistant manager was like “carson do u ever.. think before u say things like that never do that again”

moistmale:

spankmehardsanta:

jinglemynargles:

nice try bing

scroogled