watching one of my best friends change herself to fit her boyfriend’s conservative view of the world is a horrifying experience

ya book: mentions a lost princess on page 30
me: wow i really fucking wonder if the mysterious orphaned protagonist is gonna be the lost princess

Me as a thief: Steals the US Constitution. Replaces it with a perfect forgery, except the Second Amendment has been edited from “the right to bear arms” to “the right to bare arms.” Breaking News the next day: Nation has been misreading the Constitution for over 200 years. Historians mortified. Politicians scramble to save face. Gun control laws go into effect nationwide. School principals trying to punish high school girls for wearing tank tops get slapped with a lawsuit for violating their Second Amendment right to bare arms. I fall asleep on a mountain of money in my mansion in the Bahamas. Suck it Nicolas Cage.

youngblackandvegan:

life is so much simpler when you stop explaining yourself to people and just do what works for you

dorkysetters:

tfw you’re on mobile and have to work hard against auto-correct to keep your lowercase aesthetic™

whenever i try and learn something new

me: It seems that I am not immediately excellent at this
me:
me:
me:
me:
me: it is because I am a failure
me: everything I touch dies

black-nata:

finnskywalkerr:

honestly brexit is just like anakin saying not to underestimate his power then immediately losing three limbs and burning alive as obi wan watches in pity and horror

this…….. is it. THIs is it. THIS. IS. IT.

maybe people look at me and think i have my life together but it’s four in the morning and the only reason i’m up this late (or early??) is because i can’t stop thinking about how much i want chinese food