what she says: I’m fine
what she means: What the fuck kind of custody arrangement does The Parent Trap family have? Whose idea was it to take one kid each and never speak to each other again? Never even tell the daughter they’re raising that they’re a twin? Nobody hates their ex-spouse that much, and if you do you definitely don’t want that person raising one of your kids. Why are the extended family and friends going along with this? Were they sworn to secrecy? Why? How did they choose who would take which twin? Did they both just have a clear favorite? How do you not eat yourself alive with guilt over a decision like that? Why did they make it in the first place? Did a judge make the decision? Who the fuck was THAT guy? Either the family in The Parent Trap have some incredibly dark secrets that weren’t explored in the movies (original or remake) or they’re the worst “good” parents in fictional family history.
Harry Potter and the Cursed Child
All was well…or is it??!!1 Albus discovers a secret, and who is the beautiful girl with silver hair who calls herself Augury? Time travel AU don’t like don’t read!
Relationships: Scorpius/Rose, Albus/OC, Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Ron/Padma Patil, Voldemort/Bellatrix, implied Voldemort/Astoria
theres nothing cute about children w/ food smeared all over their faces….. its disgusting i dont want to see this
other cursed child bits of wankery that spring to mind:
- how did harry transfigure himself into voldemort. did he have a polyjuice potion on hand? i guess as a member of the ministry it’s plausible but where would he have gotten the dna
- HOW did nobody notice bellatrix’s pregnancy. assuming she and voldy banged as soon as she got out of azkaban, she would’ve been heavily pregnant during hbp, when she’s living at malfoy manor, so wouldn’t draco have noticed?
- also how old is delphie supposed to be. there’s only a three year window where she could’ve been born, which would put her at 16 at the YOUNGEST so why the hell does she have a romance subplot with a 12 year old
- wouldn’t it take a fucking long time to twist a time turner back more than two decades
- where would the rumours of voldemort using a time turner to impregnate astoria (???) even come from when a) scorpius is described as being the spit image of draco and b) pretty sure voldemort would have other pressing matters on his mind if he had his hands on a fucking time turner
- also i thought time turners couldn’t create a new timeline, they just allow you to ensure that what has already happened happens
- honestly why the fuck would jkr decide to go for a time turner plot when it’s just a plothole haven
are you the friend that opens water bottles or the friend who has to hand over water bottles to get them opened
napping together is my kind of date
I’m a real soft bitch. A warm hearted bitch who lives for love and affection.
how to wake me up: you don’t
I can’t wait for the days where scholarship has to muddle through ff.net and ao3 pseudonyms like “guys, I have evidence to believe that starfucker69 was a pseudonym for one of our landmark literary figures of the 21st century and that they in fact first began their writing career with filthy sinful Steggy smut.”
As an academic and a fan I both want and fucking dread this day because academics trying to tackle things like A/B/O, magic!cock, g!p, mpreg, rule 63, sex pollen like… the language academia is going to have to invent my god
#this makes me happy#in a deep deep place in my blackened soul
