buffy: deleted and remade all her social media accounts just before moving to sunnydale. sometimes people dm her on twitter to go “hey aren’t you that girl who burned down the gym”. she’s constantly getting snaps from people who saw vampires/demons running around. really likes the cat filter. a+ instagram pictures.
willow: has nothing but a pinterest account and a snapchat. xander, jesse, and later buffy are the only people who add her. (she is, however, on several forums and edits wikipedia regularly.)
xander: has a twitter where he vagues about cordelia and occasionally posts pictures of himself pointing at a dead demon, going “WTF”. also on reddit.
giles: still needs help with the facebook. he doesn’t understand why no one checks theirs anymore since two years ago all the young people were constantly talking about it. has only updated his status once and it was to say he was having a cup of tea.
me [searching the beach with my child]: sorry honey, doesn’t look like there’s any sand dollars left
child: can’t the ocean just make more of them?
me: and cause inflation? destroy the sand economy? jesus christ Tiffany, use your head
They may be called the Palace Guard, the City Guard, or the Patrol. Whatever the name, their purpose in any work of heroic fantasy is identical: it is, round about Chapter Three (or ten minutes into the film) to rush into the room, attack the hero one at a time, and be slaughtered. No one ever asks them if they wanted to.
This book is dedicated to those fine men.
