you know when you get out of the cinema and you feel high and drunk or is it just me
SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL LIKE A CAN DO ANYTHING AND JUST SO BADASS BUT THEN I JUST SIT IN THE CAR AND QUIETLY GO HOME BUT IN MY HEAD I’M TAKING OVER THE WORLD
NEVER HAVE I EVER BEEN ABLE TO PUT THIS INTO WORDS
What 👅 time 👅 does 👅 the 👅 next 👅 bus 👅 leave 👅 to 👅 bikini 👅 bottom 👅
i love when my preschoolers pretend to be talking on the phone bc if u leave them to their own devices and observe they just start saying things they’ve heard adults say into the phone like “hello i have an appointment, i’d like some rice”
a CEO walks into his office “any messages?” he asks his assistant
“two anons want to know who tom petty is and one just says ‘post your ballsack’”
“got it. check my dashboard”
“that skeleton gif you like is back again”
he rubs his chin pensively “mm. reblog that”this is what i imagine david karp does with his time considering that tumblr hasn’t been improved for about three odd years
my uncle and aunt were arguing over who had to drive home then we heard my aunt say “babe look” and she started chugging a bottle of wine
im the aunt
a true fact about spiders is they can’t run for extended periods of time because they have asthma. all spiders are nerds. even tarantulas. have you ever seen a spider dating a hot babe? i doubt it. spider flashing his cash in the club? nope. spider pulling up beside you at the lights in a lamborghini? never happened. they’ve got so many eyes because they love reading. nerds. all of them.
me: *is barely awake*
also me: if i stay on tumblr for another 10 minutes how hard will it be to get up in the morning
