“So you see,” said the Royal Advisor, wringing his hands, “the curse states the princess will die on the night before her twenty-fifth birthday–”
“Hang on,” said the princess, “‘ON the night before’–”
The Advisor nodded grimly.
“So what you’re saying is that, until that one specific date, I am effectively immortal?”
“Technically yes, but then–” the King stammered.
“Wow,” said the princess, who was sixteen and did not possess amazing impulse control. “I’m gonna go teach myself how to juggle chainsaws while hang gliding over shark-infested waters, catch you chuckleheads later.”
Here’s the thing about curses that most people don’t realize: curses are selfish.
Not the motives behind them—not necessarily, at any rate—but the curses themselves, the nuts and bolts of the magic, so to speak. If someone wraps an enchantment around you, and that enchantment’s sole purpose is to doom you on a particular day and time—the stroke of midnight is pretty popular, for whatever reason—well.
Something that complex and powerful operates according to its own rules. It wants vengeance, and that means doing whatever must be done to ensure that no rival foe shows up at the eleventh hour to steal its thunder. Princess Hammerhands the Sharkpuncher, as she would later come to be known, was an extremely rash and somewhat foolish person, but the “immortality until you die” loophole is real.
Knowing your body will defy death takes some of the thrill out of death-defying stunts, as it turns out. Some, not all. Princess Hammerhands the Sharkpuncher had some good years on the daredevil circuit. She picked up several neat tricks—a good performance wasn’t just about survival, but artistry, she figured. She befriended sword swallowers and fire breathers and professional dragon ticklers. But after three years, she was feeling antsy again.
Bernie is losing momentum due to less and less young voter turn out. Nevada would have been ours but the young voter turn out was very low. I hope people actually go out and vote rather than just offering social media support. This is such a pivotal moment in American politics that it would be a huge disservice to the world to not go out and vote in the primary.
Seriously guys, GO VOTE. You need to vote in the primaries and you need to vote in the general election.
Away at school? Traveling? Have a disability that makes it impossible to go to the polls? GO HERE RIGHT NOW.
Think this is just about the president? IT IS NOT. As President Obama’s two terms have shown, it is extremely difficult for a president to affect change if they are being blocked left and right by Congress.
Please, guys. Please. If you’re sitting there thinking your vote doesn’t matter, just think of this: WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF EVERYONE WHO THOUGHT THAT VOTED ANYWAY.
This is not the election to sit out. Our country is a seriously scary place right now and getting scarier every day. We need leadership that will work to change things. And you can bet that the people intent on preserving the fucked-up status quo will get out and vote, so WE HAVE TO AS WELL. Otherwise, we’re in for four more years of fuckery and inaction.
GO VOTE. GO VOTE. GO VOTE.
Gonna reblog it once a day until March 1st and then once a week after that until the election to keep it on my followers’ dashes because IT IS THAT IMPORTANT.
this is ReadLang. it is a cute little website that gives you all kinds of texts to read in your learning language.
when you sign in, you go to a dashboard that shares your progress so far. because i have just joined this website today, i’m still working on the opening progress page.
right now, i’m working on finding cool stuff to read in spanish. ReadLang will give you texts in your target language at the level and word count you want! check it out, it is pretty cool.
don’t know a word? click it! ReadLang will define it for you. free accounts will let you get 10 translations per day, but paid accounts ($5 per month) can get unlimited translations per day. you’ll be able to see your translations here:
lastly, there are flashcards. this is a really useful feature. it even charts the amount of studying you did each day.
i’m definitely adding this to my favorite list for online language resources. reading is an excellent way of studying a new language, and ReadLang makes it easier to do just that.
I compiled most of the writing websites I’ve mentioned on my blog into one post. I find a lot of these sites useful, so hopefully they can help you out!
Imagination Prompt Generator: This give you a one-sentence writing prompt that will help you come up with ideas. I think it also allows you to set a ten minute timer for each prompt.
Wridea: I really like this site because you can write down simple ideas that you can organize later and put into a bigger project. You can share these ideas or the site will help you randomly match ideas. It’s great for brainstorming and building a fully formed outline.
List of Unusual Words — Here’s a site you can browse through that gives you a list of unusual words for every letting in the alphabet. If you’re looking to switch up your vocab, or looking to develop a way a character speaks, this is a good reference.
Picometer — Here’s a writing progress meter that can be embedded on your site or blog. There’s also the Writertopia meter that shows word count/current mood.
Cut Up Machine: This website takes whatever words you typed or pasted into the box and rearranges your sentences. It’s not practical for writing a novel, but it might help with poetry OR coming up with ideas. Experiment with it and see what you can come up with.
Orion’s Arm: This is a great website to use if you want to research worldbuilding or if you have science questions. There are tons of resources you can use.
Word Frequency Counter: If you’re finding that you’re using the same words over and over again, this website should help. You’ll be able to count the frequency usage of each word in your text. This should help you switch up the words you’re using and understand where the problem might be.
Phrase Frequency Counter: This is same site explained above, but it counts the phrases you’re using.
My Writing Nook: This allows you to write or jot down ideas wherever you are. You don’t need to have your laptop in order to access it, so it might help you during this time. You can write as long as you have your phone.
Writer: The Internet Typewriter – This site lets you write, save, share, and/or convert your writing online. I tried it out and it’s pretty cool. It saves for you and is a great way to brainstorm or plan out some ideas.
The Forge – The Forge is a fantasy, creature, spell, and location name generator. It’s awesome.
One Word: This site gives you one word to write about for 60 seconds. This should help you get started with your own writing and will work as a writing prompt to get you warmed up. It’s a great way to get yourself motivated.
Confusing Words: On this site you can search through confusing words that often stump many writers. It’s not a huge reference, but it should help you with some writing/grammar issues.
Cliché Finder: This site allows you to enter parts of your writing and it will search for clichés. If you find that you’re using the same phrases over and over again, this will help a lot. I haven’t messed around with it too much, but it looks useful.
Hand Written Fonts: If you’re looking for great hand written fonts, this is a great reference. All of them are pretty awesome.
Tip of My Tongue — you know when you’re trying to think of a specific word, but you just can’t remember what it is? This site will help you narrow down your thoughts and find that word you’ve been looking for. It can be extremely frustrating when you have to stop writing because you get a stuck on a word, so this should help cut that down.
When you delete things off of a mobile device (like a phone or digital camera), the file goes to your phone’s recycle bin (just like on a desktop computer or laptop), typically an invisible folder named .trashes or .trash. There, it continues to take up the same amount of memory storage as it did before you ‘deleted’ it. To empty your mobile device’s recycling bin, plug your phone into your desktop or laptop via USB as a memory device, right click on your desktop/laptop’s recycling bin/trash, and tell it to empty your recycling bin/empty trash. Your computer will empty all .trash/.trashes folders, including the one on your phone, actually deleting the files permanently this time, freeing up your phone/camera’s memory space. Reblog to save a life.
(I know this works on MAC with my Andriod, it’s not too far a stretch to do the same on Windows and/or with other phones as well. In fact, it should be easier to do on Windows since Windows Explorer is more conducive to finding hidden folders.)
FINDING THIS RANDOM POST ON MY DASHBOARD GAVE ME THE BEST ANSWER TO SHIT I’VE BEEN GOOGLING ABOUT FOR MONTHS!!!
I think what probably gets me deeply into my feelings about this “JKR should have just made her students Of Color to start with, she can’t ret-con and pretend she did it right the first time” is that I grew up with Anne Rice and Anne McCaffery, two female fantasy writers who hated headcanons and fandom and sued people for deviating from their original vision or doing any kinds of derivative works without their express contractual permission.
I feel like people who get irritated with her about defending black!Hermione don’t appreciate how much healthier JKR’s attitude toward the inclusivity movement in her fandom is than theirs was. Or Moffat’s is. Or Gatiss’s. Or Whedon’s. Or Green’s. Or even, until very recently, Lucas’s.
She’s not a PCR, but goddamn, at least she’s passing us the milk rather than pissing in our cornflakes.
Jo is actually almost entirely responsible for fanfiction being what it is today.
BUT WAIT, I hear older fandomers cry. X-Files, Star Trek, Xena, how dare you. And yes, I say to those fandomers, you held those banners first! Be proud of the paths you forged. But Jo–
Jo did something no author or creator had ever done before.
She was a household name who encouraged fanfiction.
When I first began writing fanfiction in 1998, it was common practice to preface your fic with this massive disclaimer about how you weren’t selling it, and it was for fun, sometimes quoting the Fair Use part of the Creative Commons act, and even begging authors not to sue. Because in those days, that was a very real danger. Eleven-year-old me had reams of fanfiction on floppy disks I didn’t dare send to archives because I might get arrested and taken to Plagiarism Jail.
And then there was Jo. And no, Jo said, this is not a private amusement park at which you may stare longingly from the other side of wrought-iron gates. It is a giant sandbox. Here are my pails, here are my toys. Come sit and play with me. Eventually you may decide you like some other sandbox better, and all I ask is that you leave my toys here for others to play with, and not try to take them with you. But why should I lock you out of my sandbox? It is, after all, far more fun to play in a sandbox with many people than by yourself.
People were boggled. They didn’t get it. They thought she was crazy. And the fans? They kept loving, and writing, and drawing, and creating, and Jo kept loving them back. Potter Puppet Pals, A Very Potter Musical, Potter!, Remus and the Lupins, all stuff Jo just kind of went “whatever, they’re having fun.”
And attitudes began to change. And then someone else threw her lot in with Jo, someone who doesn’t get a lot of credit for contributing something massive to fandom culture and should:
Stephenie Meyer.
Yeah, you read that right. The goddamn author of Twilight, who refused to sue teenage girls who just wanted Bella to end up with Jacob. (And who is way more gracious than I would be about Fifty Shades.) She actually has a fanfiction archive right on her website! I’m serious: Smeyer has links to a personally-curated list of Twilight fanfiction she personally enjoyed or found interesting. Whatever you may think of her writing, that loving attitude of “we’re all here to have fun, I love that you love my world and my characters, please enjoy” was such a departure from the days of C&D letters and page-long disclaimers.
These two women changed the face of how fandom works forever. Yes, their work is flawed. They are products of their time and upbringing. But just the fact that they embrace the concepts of “my world as I see it and my world as you see it are not the same, and that’s not just okay, that’s good” is something to be celebrated.
I have a lot of issues with Meyer, but her treatment of fans is not one of them.
okay, yeah, JKR was a breath of fresh air, but can we give some (read: a fuckton) of credit to the OTW for actually working out the legalities of this shit?
like, fandom has lawyers, people. the DMCA was fandom’s boogeyman for years and years, and in part because of the work of the OTW, last year we got a US court of appeal declaring “fair use is not just excused by the law, it is wholly authorized by the law.“
OTW has been arguing for the legality of fanworks under the fair use doctrine for ages, and as much as JKR and other authors contributed by giving their blessing, that means nothing without the law on our side.
tumblr meme culture is really just a form of neo dadaism
I’d like to clarify:
dada was a largely european art movement that took place after wwi. this time and place is not a coincidence. let me explain.
dada art made no sense. the artists who made dada lived in a world in which nothing made sense – in which conventional logic led to the senselessness of a world war. so, making art that made no sense, making – well, you can’t really call it art, so making ANTI-art that rejected the conventions that brought about that atrocity in the first place – it made total sense. (if that makes any sense.)
so the artists did weird things. new things! putting things that were already made together and calling it sculpture, cutting up bits of pictures and putting them together and calling that something to frame – this site has some nice examples.
but from my perspective – there’s serious intellectual continuity between the absurdity of attaching a bunch of tacks to the bottom of an iron, rendering it useless, and say…. bath bomb posts. Put a fucking macbook in a bath. it’s useless now. Nobody fucking cares anymore. you want something funny? you want a punchline? gun. that’s your punchline. Take it. I am laughing
in a way it could be a method of venting some of the frustration and hopelessness and dissatisfaction that tumblr’s userbase (largely, disenfranchised millennials) feels in the modern day. I can’t really speak for anyone else, but… at least from a US perspective, there’s plenty to be disillusioned about. growing up in a constant state of questionably justified war, income inequality, an economic recession caused by the actions of a handful of wealthy fucks who didn’t even get properly punished, growing awareness of police brutality, being called lazy and self-absorbed by the generations that gave us these problems in the first place… I can’t help but think that these factors (and more) could produce a similar mindset to the one that precipitated the first dada movement.
so of COURSE we make nonsense jokes. it’s a coping mechanism for a world which doesn’t make any sense.
related: this isn’t by tumblr but I have to plug UCLA’s atrocity of a virtual gallery once more. it really needs to be experienced, but… it’s definitely also millennial neo dada. from the presentation (like an unplayable video game) to the content (THE DOGS HAVE ARRIVED), it is exactly what I am talking about. it is a fucking shitpost. and it’s high art, too! I love this
tl;dr: my generation is fed up with this bullshit, and the best way that we can express that is by shitposting. alternatively, dada was an early precursor to modern shitposting and we should all thank duchamp for signing a fucking urinal
a dear friend has given a perfect update to some of my phrasing, courtesy of their word replace extension:
you see this? this is exactly what I’m fucking talking about. the thing that I’m talking about is:
shitposting is the deconstruction of hegemonic discourse through the use of the absurd and surrealism.
I’d also say that while Dadaism was obsessed with the technological aspects of Modernity, of newspapers, of industrial mechanics and factory made clocks, neo-dadaism (of which shitposting but also the increasingly broad reach of the New Aesthetic and net aesthetics) is obsessed with the technological aspects of our time, or at the beginning of our time.
As just a comparison, the Clock in Absurdist and Dadaist art is both a symbol of the uplifting beginning of industrial relations (as one of the first complicated machines made by manufacturers, as the symbol of mankind’s ability to triumph and analyze nature and better ourselves) and as the deified symbol of horrific modernity (of demarcated time, labor hours, the oppression of the working class via managerial time), Neo-Dadaism/Absurdism has a similar relationship with early computers, which both symbolizes the utopian attitudes which we entered the digital age with, and the horrifying period we live in now, where the Digital is ever present and semi-deified.
My favorite dada satire is probably from Georges Grosz who takes the kind of robotic modernist tube people of folks like Leger:
and turns them into these mindlessly patriotic broken automatons chanting rote phrases:
And it’s so so funny to me that there’s all kinds of Gen X artists out there creating art about the millennials on their damn cellumar phones who think they’re the inheritors of this aesthetic but really it’s people who use the Madden gif generator to shitpost because they’re taking the technology meant for a coherent purpose for a particular narrative and they’re breaking it and turning it back on itself.
I’ve said this to my non-techie friends countless times. It’s no secret that being able to code makes you a better job applicant, and a better entrepreneur. Hell, one techie taught a homeless man to code and now that man is making his first mobile application.
(note: yes I realize that 3/5 of those links were Google projects)
But most folks are intimidated by coding. And it does seem intimidating at first. But peel away the obscurity and the difficulty, and you start to learn that coding, at least at its basic level, is a very manageable, learnable skill.
There are a lot of resources out there to teach you. I’ve found a couple to be particularly successful. Here’s my list of resources for learning to code, sorted by difficulty:
Novice
Never written a line of code before? No worries. Just visit one of these fine resources and follow their high-level tutorials. You won’t get into the nitty-gritty, but don’t worry about it for now:
w3 Tutorials (start at HTML on the left sidebar and work your way down)
Intermediate
Now that you’ve gone through a handful of basic tutorials, it’s time to learn the fundamentals of actual, real-life coding problems. I’ve found these resources to be solid:
If you’re here, you’re capable of building things. You know the primitives. You know the logic control statements. You’re ready to start making real stuff take shape. Here are some different types of resources to turn you from someone who knows how to code, into a full-fledged programmer.
Programming problems
Sometimes, the challenges in programming aren’t how to make a language do a task, but just how to do the task in general. Like how to find an item in a very large, sorted list, without checking each element. Here are some resources for those types of problems
If you learned Python, Django is an amazing platform for creating quick-and-easy web applications. I’d highly suggest the tutorial – it’s one of the best I’ve ever used, and you have a web app up and running in less than an hour.
I’ve never used Rails, but it’s a very popular and powerful framework for creating web applications using Ruby. I’d suggest going through their guide to start getting down-and-dirty with Rails development.
If you know PHP, there’s an ocean of good stuff out there for you to learn how to make a full-fledged web application. Frameworks do a lot of work for you, and provide quick and easy guides to get up and running. I’d suggest the following:
If there’s one point I wanted to get across, it’s that it is easier than ever to learn to code. There are resources on every corner of the internet for potential programmers, and the benefits of learning even just the basics are monumental.
If you know of any additional, great resources that aren’t listed here, please feel free to tweet them to me @boomeyer.
the moon is beautiful 