Active voice: I loved your book
Passive voice: Your book was loved
Passive-aggressive voice: I love how you felt the need to write a book
Author: acescents
i actually make myself laugh really hard so if no one else laughs it doesnt matter because i already made the most important person in the room laugh
me in 2017 getting buff, staying hydrated, shit talking trump, and taking my medication: this is all for you carrie
there’s been a huge outpouring of love for carrie fisher over the past few days that, quite rightly, isn’t only focused on her work and the iconic character that she played, but who she was as a person and the strength she inspired in people.
it makes me sad that i’ve only seen posts about debbie reynolds that celebrate her for being carrie fisher’s mother, and an actress of hollywood’s golden age.
while those are totally great and valid reasons to appreciate her, (and understandable
—
she was of a much different generation and most of us are less familiar with her) i want to talk about how debbie was also an incredible woman in her own right.
debbie reynolds was a survivor of childhood abuse. she was a mental health advocate for most of her life. in 1955 she became a founding member of the thalians
—
an organization dedicated to mental health causes
—
which she led for almost 60 years.
she was a valuable and fierce ally to the lgbt community. she hosted AIDs benefits years before reagan publicly acknowledged the disease. she bearded for gay men to protect them from homophobia and discrimination that would prevent them from getting roles.
she was a strong, compassionate woman who, on top of raising her own two children with no help from their father, raised the three children of her second husband by his late ex-wife, even after he gambled away all of her money and left her flat broke.
so here’s to debbie reynolds. her legacy — like her daughter’s — is more than just who she was on camera. i’m full of gratitude. the world is better place for all that she left behind.
Dear Men Writers
Lesser known facts when writing women:
- High heeled shoes don’t become flats if you break the heels off.
- The posts of earrings aren’t sharp.
- Nail polish takes a long time to dry and smudges when wet.
- You can’t hold in a period like pee.
- Inserting a tampon is not arousing or sexual in any way, ever.
Feel free to add your own.
– Bras leave red marks on the skin under and around boobs and it is a magical experience when taken off.
– Make up can take anywhere from 5 to 25 minutes depending on how skilled you are.
– Taking hair out of a ponytail after wearing it for hours does not make it perfectly straight when it comes down.
– Hair when wet sticks to the skin it no longer flows, idiot.
-When women with long hair kiss, turn around, do anything, their hair falls in the way.
– Stockings are itchy and tear like wet paper bags.
– Pantyhose, tights, leggings, and stockings are each different.
– Waxing hurts and leaves red skin for a while afterwards while shaving leaves stubble
– Most can’t run in heels unless they have been VERY worn
– Insecurity in appearance doesn’t mean “buy me a drink”
– EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT TASTES IN EVERYTHING
-Having large breasts sucks. It sucks beyond belief. If a garment happens to fit your large chest, odds are it won’t fit the rest of you. Underboob sweat is real and terrible. Bending over for extended periods of time will tweak your back out. Running can be painful due to boob turbulence. Bras are hella expensive. Big breasts are not fun.
We have never, ever looked in a mirror and silently described our nude bodies to ourselves, especially the size/shape/weight/resemblance to fruit/etc. of our breasts.
when lying down, turning around or moving about in any way, boobs (especially large ones) change their shape. They just don’t stand there like they’re waiting for the fricken bus or some shit. they move, they flatten, sometimes they *gasp* sag. neither is a sign of ugliness or age.
If boobs spill out over the top of the bra cup, that bra doesn’t fit
Not every nude moment is sexual
Cat calls can be terrifying & are never pleasant.
Being checked out by strange men is usually uncomfortable.
Shaving in dangerous. It’s naked shower yoga with razors.
Period blood smells.
We have body hair everywhere.
everytime I hear about children of the corn I think about the guy I met at comic con who actually lived in the town they filmed that movie at, and on the farm where they filmed in the corn.
he was a teenager at the time and him and his friends would get drunk on moonshine and rustle the corn and let the air out of the tires of the production team’s trailers and shit.
and now there’s Wikipedia pages about how the children of the corn set was haunted and they thought they angered god but it was really just drunk hillbilliesI don’t like adding to posts but I also have a funny story like this, so I was watching the movie the Blair witch which takes place in burkettsville maryland, which to me is so funny because that is were my grandfather lives and the town is literally just old people and cows with their main street consisting of a post office. Well anyway he told me that after it came out people were coming in like bus loads to the town to find the witch and my grandfather lives up in the Mountain area and people were up in his property trying to find the witch and it made him angry so he went out and hung up stick people and stacked rocks and it freaked the people out so they started thinking something was out there when really it was my 80 year old Italian grandpa who wanted people out of his woods.
We had ghost hunters come to a historic house in my town to film and if you think every high school kid in town respectfully stayed at home that night instead of going to fuck up that filming you’re dead wrong.
this is comforting, actually, sometimes paranormal things are just a bunch of bored people dicking around in the woods.
New favorite cryptid: locals
feeling a little weird that a bunch of people I know are getting married or having babies or climbing mountains and yesterday I ate half of a squashed donut I found at the bottom of my bag
me: [says something, anything at all, to anyone ever]
me, internally: when will i ever shut up. when will i shut the fuck up. when will i learn to Be Quiet
Male writers writing female characters:
“Cassandra woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on her blinds, cascading over her naked chest. She stretched, her breasts lifting with her arms as she greeted the sun. She rolled out of bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through the thin fabric. She breasted boobily to the stairs, and titted downwards.”
*says goodbye to friend*
*starts walking in the same direction*
*awkwardly tries not to acknowledge their presence*