tarot reader: now I will show you your fortune
me: cool I guess
tarot reader: why is every card death, what the fuck, I don’t even have that many death cards
me: figures

theblacklittlemermaid:

daughterofdiaspora:

my mom taught me the therapeutic power of cleaning. open all the windows. throw out the old. wipe down the entire house. burn some incense. roast some coffee. then rest. that way the tears from last night don’t feel as heavy. 

She just wanted you to clean the house

methlick:

Grocery stores after midnight r like some magical gateway to an alternate dimension where nothing else is real except for the super noodles on the shelf and the paper clip in your pocket

childservices:

*pulls up to mcdonalds drive thru* hey…..it’s me again

baddiosa:

sad as fuck but i’m gonna act like i don’t give a fuck

my cousin’s two-year-old child visiting from NYC: (points to a playground set in a suburban backyard) PARK!
us: uh, no dude somebody owns that, you can’t actually play there
innocent two year-old with no concept of private property, still full of hope: PARK?
us: shit ok which one of us has to explain capitalism to this baby

whistlenote:

*throws rocks at God’s window* hey! Why did u make me