the moon is beautiful

someone: why do you add so many ellipses to everything
me: listen…….this is whats Fresh and Cool, my dude……this is whats in style, whats à la mode……

*hears noises at night*: well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life
*gets shampoo in my eyes*: I guess I’m blind now how am I ever going to see my first born child
*heart is beating fast*: I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is
*a cop walks by*: here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone
*taking a test*: don’t take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school and amount to nothing
*gets a sunburn*: great now I have skin cancer how will I tell my parents
*tripping over something*: I guess my leg will have to be amputated why did this happen to me
*period is late*: crap i’m pregnant i’m the next virgin mary
*laptop shuts suddenly down*: well fuck it’s broken forever bye everything bye money

allkillernofiller:

There has been a lady inside my brain screaming for the past 10 yrs and u think taking a bath and doing yoga will stop her? U are wrong. She is a very mad lady and she will not be silenced

funkpunkhippie:

intoxifaded:

rnortal:

lilcochina:

tbh a really weird n gross thing is when girls are told not to wear short shorts in front of their dad n uncles n stuff like ??? why would u be looking at ur niece or daughter like that

I thought only Arab girls were told this but looks like it’s universal

When I was about 15 (and super thin, like there was not a single curve on my body) I was in a bikini at a family pool party and apparently my uncle commented to my dad “You should tell Elvira to cover up more, sometimes I have to look away when I see her” and my dad replied “That’s because you’re a pervert”

I like your dad.

dutchster:

how cute are socks tho they’re just like little bags for your feet 

rizes:

for every note, I will tell my dog I love her

agendr:

Ah yes, tomorrow is the time to remove the mystery cubes from beneath the festive cone and tell tales of a large red intruder

evolutional:

why sleep when you can stay up late every night being sad then feel like shit the next day