coffeo:

why can’t instagram captions just flow naturally out of me??? that way i wouldn’t have to sweat for 10 minutes trying to craft an enticing description of my photo only to end up just deleting the whole thing and posting 3 emojis 

dadd:

90% of my day is me being nervous

News anchor: The new president has been elected.

The entire US population: *sweats in anticipation*

News anchor: and HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA

stability:

i wish i could pause life and lay in bed for 3 months and just catch my fucking breath

ven0moth:

im so ugly can i have a refund

garbge:

i want to fight myself

bootipop:

I got one of those sleeping masks you put over your eyes to keep the light out of your eyes and i was like “haha I wonder what this looks like on” so i took it to the mirror and put it on and then I realized the flaw in my plan