Class: *reading aloud*
Me: *counting the number of people until my turn and practicing the paragraph i have to read*

caslovesdeanandbees:

we were in the car and my dad was all like “if all the other kids jumped off a bridge would you” and I was like “yeah cause there’d be a huge pile of bodies to land on” and he starting choking and almost swerved off the road

gordon: ok I will have the grilled cheese
chef: *using a hair dryer to make grilled cheese* I’ve done nothing wrong in my life

woodmeat:

what? how much do i love you? 

how much sand is on the beach? a gotdamn lot right? how all that sand get on beaches? what is sand forreal like its clean dirt forreal. wtf is a beach too this shit wild to think about. baby where you going

saddawgs:

saddawgs:

I like dogs

APRIL FOOLS I LOVE DOGS

drakesideheaux:

I feel like such a boring teenager compared to my parents and their friends like they were all out destroying the economy and doing irreversible damage to the environment and all I do is sleep and eat fries

charminglyantiquated:

the ancient gentleman beside me spent the whole flight reading explicit gay erotica in large print on his kindle. we have landed and he is long gone but I will remember him as a good omen, a guiding light of following one’s heart to set me on my way. godspeed, gay porn grampa. you live on in my heart.

cartooncanine:

haha that was a joke. i am pulling your legs, april fool. i will always love dogs and i will fight anyone who hurts a dog

heartshapedmoodring:

“hey guys, hey guys, hey guys” – the sound of me loading multiple beauty guru videos at once